Thursday, March 31, 2011

The bad part... of being such a good baby

Max is really every mother's dream... (well, now he is) He sleeps from 10 pm until 8 am EVERY night, he naps, he eats, he plays, he's not crabby or fussing or into everything... but there's a drawback to all this goodness.

Max doesn't seem to have much motivation. He's curious when you put something in front of him. He'll pick up a board book and fiddle with the pages, he'll stick things in his mouth, but he doesn't have much motivation to explore the rest of the world around him. We've put him on a playmat, in the jumpy swing, in a saucer, and now sitting on the floor or even all fours. He plays with the toys within his reach... he goes CRAZY with them some of the time... but he never fusses when they're gone or tries to get them back, or goes after them. If he rolls over from his sitting position, he doesn't cry or struggle or try to get back up. He just lays there and looks at the toy that he can no longer reach. The most effort we see is frantic kicking of the legs... that's usually how I know something is going on. I hear the "thump, thump, thump..." and I know Max is awake, or that he's fallen over.

His crib mattress is still on the highest level... where a newborn sleeps. Yes he can sit up. But no, he won't do it on his own. He doesn't try to grab at the bumper and get out, he just lays there, looking at an occasional toy and snuggling or chewing on it, and waiting.... for someone to come get him. He'll cry out if his pants are poopy sometimes... or if he's really hungry sometimes... but for the most part, he just lays and waits and is content.

Today, with his physical therapist, we started putting Max on all fours. Now that he's mastered sitting, and is starting to stand and kneel beside a table or other piece of furniture, we're working to get him crawling. Problem is, he's just not interested in moving. He'll sit there on his hands and knees, looking at a toy, even the ones he really like, but he won't go after them. He doesn't fuss or cry because he can't get to them, he just looks and waits.

I have NO IDEA where he gets his patience. I have none, neither does Troy. I love that he is such a good baby. I love that he is easy going, and a fantastic teether and a good sleeper and just a general joy to be around... but I wish he'd push and stretch and reach and grab to get things. I wish he'd start pulling up so we'd have to lower his mattress, I wish he'd want something, or someone so much, that he'd find the motivation to move. I hope it's just that his body isn't ready... but I also hope that it's not a sign that he may not move the way a normal child does. I hope that someday, I'll see him crawl and walk and run and play, just like every other child. I just hope....

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Blogging challenge... the one I put off...

Day 13: a letter to someone

I had a hard time with this one. I'm written several important letters in my life. One to Troy on our wedding day, two to my kids when I found out I had a brain tumor and feared I wouldn't be here to see them grow up. I'm finally writing this letter.


Dearest Lilli:

You don't know me and I am so sad that I never had the chance to meet you. But you will always be such an important part of my life.

You see, your mommy is perhaps the most amazing person I've ever met. I had a baby, Max, who was in the hospital with you. Just like you, Max was born too soon, too small, and too sick to come home with us.

It was during our darkest hour, and your mommy was a bright spot. We met your mommy and daddy when Max was very sick, just like you were. He was having surgery and we were very sad and scared. Since you had been in the hospital for a few weeks already, your mommy knew just what we were going through. She reassured us, she comforted us, she was a friend when we felt so alone.

We didn't see her again for a few weeks, and when we did, we learned that you had been so sick that you had gone to heaven, to be with your sister. We were so sad, but your mommy did an amazing thing. While you were sick, and couldn't eat, she'd been saving up all that breast milk... and when you went to heaven, and didn't need it anymore, she offered to share it with Max.

Max really needed that milk. I couldn't give him any, and because he was sick, it was almost like medicine to help him get better. I was sad and I had cried and prayed to God to help us find a way to help Max. Maybe God talked to you, maybe you talked to your mommy... then God answered my prayers and sent your mommy to help us.




As wonderful as that was. It makes me sad. Because saving Max meant that you weren't here anymore. Your mommy and daddy missed you very much and I couldn't understand why God was letting Max stay with us, while he was keeping you and Addilyn in heaven.

We knew that you and your sister were Max' guardian angels. We knew that you watched over him while he was in the hospital, we know that you will always be such an important part of his life. When Max is older, we'll tell him all about you and Addilyn and how special your lives were and how you helped keep him here with us.

We are so happy that your mommy and daddy have a brand new baby at home with them! Your baby sister, Lydia is just so beautiful and tiny and precious! You must have been watching over her too, because we were afraid when she came early... but she's so wonderful and healthy, you must be watching over her everyday.

Max has already met Lydia once. I hope he'll see her again many times in the future. We will always feel so connected to you and your family, because of the milk your mommy shared. She gave us the most generous gift. She is the most wonderful mommy ever. But, of course, you already know that, and so does Addilyn and now... so does Lydia.

We love and miss you Lilli. We hope you had a wonderful first birthday in heaven.
Jennifer (Max's mommy)

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Blogging challenge days 29 and 30!

Day 29: what have you learned this past month?

- That my husband stinks at remembering important dates.
- That my 5 year old is testing boundaries on MANY fronts and we are setting the boundaries for her.
- That Alex panics when poop time comes and may or may not make it onto the potty.
- That the people of Japan are amazingly patient, gracious, and respectful of themselves and others, even in the worst disaster I can imagine. (I know can learn something more about my own patience from this one)
- That Max changes on a DIME! Literally overnight, he can accomplish tasks, like sitting, that we've been working on for weeks!!!
- That I really don't miss the infant car seat bucket.
- That having a preschool boy added to the bathroom routine means many more frequent cleanings, and we really miss Callie!
- That I'm way out of the working loop since last year and I need some new clothes and a suitable notebook.
- That taxes are infuriating! Especially this year!
- That yet another of my children is a wookie and will indeed have the Robinson cowlick.
- That we are blessed beyond words.



Day 30: your favorite song

I have lots...

"Marry Me" by Train is playing a lot right now, and it makes me cry in the car.
" Lost" by Michael Buble was a song Troy and I heard shortly after my brain tumor diagnosis, and it still reminds me that I have a partner for everything in my life.
"From this Moment" sung at our wedding by Krista Eyler (aka Funky Mama) will always be special.
"Jesus Loves Me" which happens to be Ella's lyrical dance for competition this year reduces me to tears.


My ABSOLUTE favorite has to be "You are my Sunshine." I've been singing it to the kids since they were born, and Alex and Ella both request a lot of nights at bedtime. We can sing it together now... and someday, Max will sing it with us. It already makes him smile!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Happy 11 months Max!

He was worked so hard for this, and today, Max officially sat up, by himself for almost an hour!





He and big brother played with the toddler toys. (Alex showed him how everything works)






It was AWESOME!!!

Blogging challenge day 28

Day 28: a picture of you from the past year and how you've changed since then

Wow! what a year it's been!

This photo is from February 2010. It was "Mommy Day" at Ella's preschool and we had a blast! I was just 4 months pregnant and didn't need maternity clothes yet. I was getting over morning sickness, although I still had to bring lemon water with me.

The kids had found out at Christmas that a baby was on the way, and we were close to learning the baby's sex. I was on top of the world!



I had no idea that 2 months later, that new baby would be here. That I'd almost NEVER set foot inside Ella's school, but thanks to her wonderful teachers, friends and their families, she continued school, and thrived during the most difficult time for our family.

Look how I don't have the big bags under my eyes! I feel like I aged 100 years in these past 12 months. I know Troy and I both look and feel older. But Max is a great sleeper now, and we're trying to recoup some of that lost time.

It's been a an amazing year of struggle, survival and love for us. We made it through stronger than we every thought possible, and blessed. God gave us a third, wonderful, happy baby who brings such joy to our lives everyday. It's been a crazy year, but worth every minute!

This year taught me that the struggles in our life are all for a reason. I left TV for a reason, I worked at PKD and met Morgan for a reason, I was laid off from my full-time job at PKD for a reason, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor (our biggest health scare to that point) for a reason, etc... it's amazing how much God prepared us for what was coming with Max.

Looking back... anything before this past year was kind of a blur... but it's so great to see where we were and how we're starting to circle back to some sort of normal in our lives again.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

"the Flash!"

Alex has been invited to a party for one of his buddies at school... it's a super hero theme... so we went online to let him pick a costume.

I assumed he'd go for Spider Man... Troy guessed Superman... even Batman wouldn't have been a huge surprise... but no, Alex wanted the Flash.







All he knew was that I told him the Flash was very fast... good enough.
Isn't he the cutest little flash you've ever seen!?!?!?

Blogging challenge day 27

Day 27: why are you doing this 30 day challenge?

It keeps me on my blog daily, and reminds me to post about things that I might forget to share with family and friends who we aren't in constant contact with...

plus some friends were doing it.. and I thought it looked fun...

and it prompted me to scan old photos that I didn't have stored digitally, including our wedding photos, which has to be a good idea????

Monday, March 14, 2011

Big Cedar Birthday...

It's all I want for my birthday, to get away. We went to Big Cedar for the week... sorry it's taken me awhile to post photos.

Poor Ella was sick and had a fever or 103 for much of the week... but she was a trooper and REALLY wanted to go, so I'm glad we didn't cancel. They had to skip the pool, because of her fever... but our cabin trips are never really about DOING things... they're about enjoying our time and one another..

Here is just some of what we did...

a walk to the marina.. to throw rocks and search for shells, not quite big enough for the canoes or pedal boats yet...


lunch at the Truman Smokehouse (great little sandwich place with overlooks Devil's Pool





playing in the Skunk Bunk

building fires with Daddy.. and toasting smores!!!


It was lots of fun, but EXHAUSTING for them! So much fresh air meant for great naps and sleep every night. (except when Ella needed more Tylenol)





I was nervous about Max. This was his first time away from home since we brought him home from the NICU. He has really been a creature of habit and very protected from germs. However, I did take my Lysol, antibacterial wipes, bleach and antibacterial gel... so I gave the cabin a good scrub down when we got there and kept it clean during our stay just to be sure...

He was amazing! The different place didn't phase him at all. He had fun with all the outdoor time, giggled with his brother and sister, slept like a champ, and literally grew an entire size while we were gone.

He had a blast out on our deck with his big brother and sister!


I had a carrier custom made for us, because I knew he was about to outgrow his infant car seat bucket.. and since he's not great at sitting in a stroller or grocery cart, etc... Mommy will be wearing him for awhile. This was the perfect trip to test it out and we both really loved it. He does get warm in there, so I'm hoping by the time the heat of summer arrives, he's able to sit on his own.

Our first time using the new carrier...



I was able to escape from the cabin for a couple of hours for my birthday massage, which as usual was HEAVENLY! It was a wonderful week away!

Blogging challenge day 26

Day 26: what do you think of your friends?

I love them, I am overwhelmed by them, I treasure them, I wish I had more time to spend with them.....

What more can I say?? My friends are amazing! They rallied around us this past year with food, care, babysitting, and more... They picked up ALL our needs when we were struggling to survive.

Since I've lived and worked in many cities, and so have my friends, we're spread out... but that's okay. They still came to our rescue and I can never say enough thanks!

God blessed me with a wonderful group of people who are my closest allies!

Blogging challenge day 26

Day 26: what do you think of your friends?

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Blogging challenge day 25

Day 25: what would I find in your bag?

Well, it's huge!!! but mainly because it often does double or triple duty. I love that it has a shoulder strap as well as a cross body strap, which is really handy when I'm toting a kid!

Inside my giant purse:

- wallet (a cute new silver one which I found on the clearance rack at Target which also doubles as a case for my reading classes... I'm needing those more and more these days)
- make-up bag (no real make-up inside however, just a rescue inhaler for my asthma, migraine medicine, anti bacterial gel and Tylenol)
- Burt's Bees lip balm (never leave home without it)
- cell phone
- burp cloth
- hair clip

I do keep a huge diaper backpack in my car (also known as my office) with diapers, pull-up, and clothing changes for me and both boys.

I also have a small diaper changer which holds just one diaper and wipes, and a back-up outfit. This is what I usually throw into my purse, when we're heading into doctor's appointments, school, etc...

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Blogging challenge day 24

Day 24: last five Facebook status updates



1.)
any of you who are signing up to walk with us for Max's birthday, I need to order shirts. Please send me tshirt sizes for you and your family.

2.) just realized that we'll be having a first birthday in a month... and the birthday boy won't be digging into his own cake. It's great to be past the NICU phase, but sometimes sad, when I see Max missing out on being a kid his age. He can't crawl, can't sit up, can't eat finger foods. Cake will come soon enough... just makes me sad that I won't have those pictures and memories of him. We're still catching up.


3.) Time for the big boy seat! 21.4 lbs... 28.5 inches!

4.) Please consider donating to our March for Babies team in honor of Max:
a few #s to consider...
- $250 is the cost of keeping a baby alive on a ventilator for one day (Max was on for more than 3 months)
- $1,500 is the cost of one dose of surfactant to help a premature baby breathe (Max had 3)
- $2,500 is the cost of an incubator for a sick baby for one day (Max was in the Giraffe for more than 2 months)


5.)
really wishes all 3 kids could time their days to sleep in or get up early... it would be great if EVERYONE could sleep in this morning!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Blogging challenge day 23

day 23: something you crave a lot

BAGELS!!! the everything kind the Einstein Brothers makes for Costco, which you can buy for about $5 a dozen, with Wal Mart whipped cream cheese.

These seriously kept me alive during pregnancy... for months they were the only thing I could eat. I still have one most every day for breakfast, forget that no carb crap! The store in Overland Park really gets it right. They are crisp and brown on the outside and chewy on the inside... pure bagel Nirvana! Yes, I'm a bagel connoisseur, the Lenexa store doesn't cook them long enough and they are doughy. We drive over to OP at least every two weeks to pick up a few more tubes of bagels for the deep freezer.

Sour candy, and I mean really sour, make you mouth pucker and your cheeks hurt. Sour Punch is my favorite and Troy made MANY trips to Walgreens to pick some up, since this is the only place that carries it.

Water, with lemon juice. I know I must have a thing for sour, but I just can't drink water without it.

My pregnancy cravings were weird...

- with Ella it was baby carrots, tuna salad with tomatoes and cucumbers
- with Alex, black olives and cans of chef Boyardee ravioli
- with Max, the bagels... and they've stuck with me

The other thing I crave and never get... is sleep.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Blogging challenge day 21 and day 22

Day 22: what makes you different from everyone else

Hmmm... I don't know that I'm that unusual??? I hate ham... can't even kiss Troy is he's eaten it. I have a weird, egg shaped, brown birth mark on my back and my brother has one in the same spot... which looks like it's cracked in half??? I love brussel sprouts, that's weird, right???

Day 21: something that makes you happy

- Troy, when he actually hangs up his coat or puts a dish "IN" the dishwasher, or when he scratches my back (it's really itchy, I've asked for a cat post to be installed on our bathroom doorway... but he thinks I'm nuts!)
- Ella, when she first wakes up or is about to fall asleep and she wants her back scratched.
- Alex, at bedtime, when we snuggle nose to nose, sing, and I rub his back.
- Max after his last bottle of the night, when the ONLY place he will be is on Mommy's shoulder where he babbles and breathes into my neck while he falls asleep
- the doggies, Daisy and Lola, especially when they are loving on my kiddos
- a massage!!!
- those stupid "auto correct" text messages from iPhones
- my friend Tramm (still the funniest person I know!)
- a clean house, especially clean bathrooms!!!!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Blogging challenge day 20

day 20: someone you love

Who else...??? If it weren't for Troy, I wouldn't have any of the 3 little people in my life,
and I couldn't survive them with out him.




He's the love of my life. My best friend, and the most wonderful husband
and father any family could ask for.

Love ya babe!

Blogging challenge day 19

day 19: nicknames you have and why you have them

Jenn Jenn my friend Stacy always called me this... so does JHolt... who knows why?
Mommy the best nickname ever! although some days I threaten to change that one...
Jenn almost everyone calls me Jenn
Jenny only my friend Mary and my nephew who calls me aunt Jenny can still get way with this one
Baby Troy has always called me his baby, and I love it! I don't care if people think we're sappy.
Ellie May this one came when I lived in Peoria. I dated and worked with a guy who really thought Springfield was Hillbilly Heaven... and I think I wore a "rope-ish" belt... so there you go.
Hamblin maiden name, Krista Tatschl, will still shout this one out when she sees me
I.T. it's too embarrassing to put in print. It has to do with the female anatomy, my friends and I ALL had silly nicknames when we were tweens and they just stuck with us. I'll still sign an occasional birthday card as I.T. from time to time. Let's just say "the girls" have outgrown this one in reality. I'm just so thrilled to still have those tween friends in my corner... that I wouldn't trade it for anything!





Sunday, March 6, 2011

Blogging challenge day 17 and 18

day 17: someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

Really, just anyone who gets more sleep.... I'm not sure who that is, but for just one day, I'd love to be able to feel rested. I know that's not likely for another 18 years.


day 18:
plans/dreams/goals you have

Plans:

I plan to celebrate Max's first birthday next month.. probably with no a lot of hoopla, because although it's a lot to celebrate, just having him alive... that day and those first few weeks are painful to remember and we didn't really celebrate his arrival (more like mourned it) so it seems weird to celebrate the most frightening time of our lives.

We'll actually celebrate May 1st at the March for Babies. I hope if you haven't donated yet to our team, you'll consider doing so. It means a lot to us to give back to the March of Dimes, because their support and research was such a blessing to us in those first weeks of Max's life. We wouldn't be at this one year mark with out them and that is something to celebrate!

I plan to continue to freelance around the kids school, lessons, doctor's appointments, etc... and enjoy the work I do.

I plan to getaway from Spring Break next year with my friend Kristi and her family. We're all booking some time at Big Cedar and it will be fun to have all 5 kids together while we hang out with our husbands and one another.

I plan to try more recipes every week and hopefully find a few that EVERYONE will eat!

I plan to get around to my yearly MRI (for the brain tumor) which never happened last year, because it was due in May and I was busy in the NICU.

I plan to get Ella, Alex and I to the dentist for a check-up an tooth cleaning!


Dreams:


My dreams are all coming true... okay, most of them.

I have three healthy, happy kids. I dream of them growing up together, watching them enjoy life from dancing to soccer to school and friends. I dream of growing old with Troy and someday getting enough sleep that we don't both have such big purple bags under our eyes.

I dream of winning the lottery, so we don't have to worry any more about how to pay our bills and how to keep me at home with the kids, especially in these first 2 years when Max just can't go to childcare, because of his immunity.

I dream of family vacations to places like the Grand Canyon and Yosemite and a trip for Troy and I to Europe or Hawaii??

I dream of a maid, lawn service, a cook...


Goals:

Get Ella through kindergarten, Alex through preschool and Max sitting up on his own, crawling and walking! I plan to stay at home with the kids, at least until Max is 3 and strong enough for childcare, but hopefully until he's in kindergarten, so all 3 kids are in full day school.

My goal is to go back to work then, most likely NOT in TV news... because who wants that??? But in media or marketing or PR again, because it's fun, I'm good at it, and it REALLY helps pay the bills!

I'd like to write a book, about those 123 days, what we learned how we survived, and what others can do to avoid the pitfalls of premature birth... maybe a girlfriend's guide to the NICU... because we learned more in those 4 months that we ever realized we didn't know... and it would be great to help another family someday.

We'd like to buy a bigger house, in a better school district, near our friends, etc...

But ultimately, my goal is just to live every day of my life to the fullest and enjoy what God has given me. I have a wonderful husband, three beautiful children, a home, food, clothing and friends... We've survived a brain tumor and 123 days in the NICU... we are blessed.

Blogging challenge day 16

day 16: another picture of yourself


circa Nov. 2009.... Ella and I at the Fancy Nancy "Splendiferous Christmas" book signing. She was so thrilled to be doing something so "grown-up." and I was having a decent hair day. Plus I think I have a tan? Was this before Florida??? I think so!


Blogging challenge day 15

day 15: put on your ipod shuffle, first 10 songs that play

Don't do the ipod thing. We are HP people and that's an apple product. Honestly, don't have much use for one. I do have some music stored on my NOOK, mostly Einstein lullaby music to play for the kids overnight on our trip.

Blogging challenge day 14

day 14: a picture of you and your family

two of my favorites...

This one is from Heather Langdon... just days after Max came home.



This one is Tammy Pence photography... for our 2010 Christmas cards


Blogging challenge day 13

day 13: a letter to someone

I can't rush on this one... and I still have 457 loads of laundry I think... so I'm gonna skip this one and come back later this week.

Blogging challenge, time to catch up!

We've been gone all week to Big Cedar... so now it's time to catch up on my blogging challenge.

I left off with day 11: another picture of you and your friends



I love this one from the Springfield Brewing Company, circa 2005. It was just a few months after Ella was born and my first trip home for Thanksgiving. We met up with three of my friends since childhood, Kristi, Kelly and Kris.. and their kiddos. Kristi is actually pregnant with Andrew in these pics!









And this is a love, hate picture. I love that it's a pic of Tara and I together while we were pregnant with Alex and Delaney. They were born just 6 days apart. I hate it, because seriously, could we be more enormous and uncomfortable? I loved sharing this pregnancy with a friend, especially those REALLY uncomfortable moments when I felt like a bowling ball was falling out of me!


day 12: how you found out about blogger and why you have one

Honestly, I don't remember. I think I found out from some of my girlfriends at work... when I used to work in an office 40 hours a week. I've always been a writer and writing is a great way for me to think out loud and just release things, so I love it!