Life is scary when you're planning for death!

When you're single you might have a little life insurance. Mine was through my employer, so was Troy's. That all changed when I was around 6 months pregnant with Ella. The doctor made the big announcement that "this baby is now strong enough to survive outside of your body. So assume you're parents from this point." That puts the fear of God in you!

Crazy pregnant lady started thinking of things like "What if Troy gets killed in a car wreck? Can I raise this baby on my own? Can I afford it?" "What if we're both killed and the baby survives? Who is going to take care of her?" "What if I die in childbirth?" (like Little House on the Prairie or something!) "This baby has to be provided for."

So we started buying life insurance. When you sit down and calculate how much it will cost to get both Ella and the new baby through childhood and eventually college, the numbers are staggering! Now that we've secured the life insurance we need, I'm a little worried that Ella and her baby brother may decide to "WHACK" us. We're worth a fortune if we're dead!!!

That's only part of the morbid discussions that Troy and I have had during my pregnancies. We also had to designate guardians. If, God forbid, something happened to both of us, we wanted to know where Ella would be, who would care for her, who would raise her as their own child if we couldn't do it?

That was a difficult decision to make. Not because we don't have many worthy choices among our family and friends. It's just that suddenly, you realize you're planning for your child's life without you. We had wills drawn up well before Ella was born. We made sure she'd be financially secure and that she'd have loving people to help her navigate life.

Now that we're expecting baby #2, we've revisited this decision. First, we wanted to consult with the friends who we chose to raise Ella. Taking on one additional child is a great commitment. Taking on two kids as your own couldn't be an automatic assumption on our part.
( Of course, they graciously accepted and assured us that should anything happen, our children would be theirs, loved equally and specially along with their own kids. )

I think it was actually harder to think about this the second time around. I loved Ella before she was born. When we selected her guardians, it was difficult to imagine not seeing her grow up. But, now that we know her, we're attached to her, we need her in our lives, I simply cannot imagine how life could continue without us all together.

How could anyone else know what she needs when she cries out at night? Is it gas? Does her ear hurt? Did she have a bad dream? Who knows that whining at the kitchen cabinet means she wants to carry her box of cereal and dump out a few pieces to eat? Who knows that when she picks up her pillow and blanket from the living room toy box and says "eye sigh" she wants to watch a Baby Einstein video? Now that we know her every move and grunt and whimper and smile, how can anyone else provide the love and care that we do?

This has to be the toughest reality of being a parent. I've always heard that if you're prepared for this sort of thing... you'll never need to use that preparation. We can only hope!