Bye, Bye, Baby Boy

My boy is just a week away from turning one.

We've had a lot of milestones in the past few days, and it made mommy a little sad.

He's switched from formula to milk, switched from milk to sippee cups, switched from baby food to real food, you get the picture. He's already cruising all over this house holding onto things, and he can crawl faster than most cockroaches! Belive me, I used to work in fast-food and live in cheap apartments, those suckers can move like a flash when the light comes on! I nearly trip over him at least once a day.

It's amazing to watch how quickly he masters things. But it's also sad to think that just a year ago, I was anxiously awaiting his arrival and then soooooo enjoying this new little person in my life.

He's already turning into a pushy, brut, just to compete with his bossy, big sister. But he'll always be my baby boy. At least until Troy lets me have another one.

The Waiting Game (we lose)

I'm a scheduler and a planner. It comes from years of back timing everything to get my newscasts on and off the air on time. I back timed my workdays. Now that my number one job is raising for the kids, I back time our lives. The goal is always the finish line. Getting things done on time.

With Alex, almost 1 year old, and Ella, 2 and a half, that's easier said than done. I plan in lots of pad time. Extra 15 minutes here for a snack. extra 10 there for diaper changes and nose wiping. I try to cover all my bases.

Alex will turn one on May 5, and I wanted photos of him to mark the end of this first year. I also want to send them to friends, family and the grandmas and great-grandma for Mother's Day. So I scheduled an appointment last Sunday morning. This is MAJOR national photo chain. They have great prices, they take good photos, it's not too expensive. We've had relatively good luck with them in the past. Only once did we have to wait a little longer than expected. I thought scheduling when many families were still at church would be ideal. We got Alex a morning nap, had a quick snack and few drinks of milk, brought the clothes with us, so no one would get messy or wrinkled on the way, and headed out.

Perfect timing, we arrived just 5-10 minutes early. Just enough time to get everyone dressed, coiffed, and picture perfect. But wait, we're running a few minutes behind, it will be about 20 minutes. That's okay, 20 minutes is in the pad time. They shouldn't be starving or overly tired. There are blocks and other kids to play with, etc...

That 20 minutes turned into an hour and half. 90 minutes late! Before we even started taking photos. By the time we finished nearly 2 hours later than our scheduled appointment time, Alex was screaming, Ella was hungry too, and Troy was about to let it rip. They left, ,headed for the nearest McDonald's to get lunch, some milk for the boy, and escape the craziness of that lobby.

I spent 20 minutes picking the photos we wanted and really, bought more than I planned to, just to get out of there before I lost my mind. I think that's the catch. They book families 15 minutes apart in an effort to drive you nuts, so you'll just buy anything to escape!!!

We did get some decent photos. Not our best, but enough to satisfy my needs for the first birthday milestone. Next time, I'm using my friend Adam and his wife. They have small photography business that comes to you, works with your schedule, etc... and they just charge by the prints you want. Check them out at http://www.arephotography.com/.

I'll post a sample of what we left the national chain with. These are just the proofs which they gave us on a CD, after we spent half our life savings. Not making that mistake again.

My little fashionista

She comes by it naturally, the nut doesn't fall far from the tree, etc... I love clothes, shoes, purses, etc... and so does my Ella. But she's driving me crazy. I submit the photo you see here of her latest attempt at dressing herself. Yes those are pink camo jeans, a strawberry print shirt, and red/purple Dora socks, with the turquoise barrette as a finishing touch.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so proud that she can put on the shirt, pants, socks and shoes by herself and sometimes, even get them on facing the right direction. But the choices, I've having to learn to live with. She's a toddler and the outfits are, well, out there, but at least she's making her own statement.

Now for the real headache. She wants to wear so many things, at once, and all the time. I'll go into her room and find a fashion explosion, where she's emptied her drawers, put on as many things as she can, and left the rest for me to pick up and put away. I'm not saying she makes a few clothing changes, I'm talking she'll have on 7 pairs of pajama pants, 6 shirts, several pair of socks and shoes. Oh yes, the shoes, she sleeps in them, slippers, sparkly shoes, whatever strikes her fancy.

Troy has threatened to take all the drawers out of her dresser if she doesn't stop taking everything out and dumping it in piles on her bed. We've even put rubber bands on the closer doors to keep her out of there.

I'm trying to be flexible. I'll let her wear what she wants, even indulge the slippers and jewelry, but I can't keep spending hours re-folding and packing her drawers. Especially in the middle of the night, when she wakes up, decides it's all in her way, and wants me to get rid of it.

While Troy's away...

My man is off for boys' weekend and I'm home sick with a sinus infection along with two sick kids. Sounds like loads of fun, huh?! Troy has been planning this for weeks. He only made one night of the trip last year, as I was great with child and gave birth just 2 weeks later. Aaaaah the sacrifices we make, he gave up a night of drinking and fun, I gave birth, again. Enough said.

Actually I was supposed to have a bit of a girls' weekend as well. My BFF Kristi was flying in from Dallas to shop and visit with me and the kids. But she's a momma too, and when you've got this many germs in the house, she's afraid she'd take the affliction back to her own family. Who can blame her. I wouldn't want to be here this weekend either, if I had a choice.

Luckily, my parents answered the desperate call for help and came up to help me manage the kids. We're feeling a little better today, but the kids are cranky and not up for doing much. So, it's going to be a long weekend around this house.

When daddy gets home Sunday, I'm outta here! Shopping and prep for the big birthday celebration is in order, and I plan to do it by myself. I told Troy I"m already planning my next girls' weekend. Details to come, but it will involve a spa, a massage, and no one under the age of 30!

Maybe the kids will feel well enough that I can sneak out tomorrow during naps and make a few quick purchases. I planned to spend money while he was gone! Can't miss that opportunity!

Watch what you say...

Ella is like a little echo machine. I have to watch what I say and I know that.

She learned a couple of new words this afternoon when I dropped a stack of color books and stickers and markers, etc... off the top of a pair of serving bowls. (Don't ask why we keep them there. It's out of reach, out of sight in a cabinet, and well, precariously perched where something is bound to fall!)

The point of this post... Ella hears it and repeats. It doesn't matter what it is, and today it wasn't the sort of language I want my child to use or to use myself.

Troy happened to be on the phone with me at the time and got a good chuckle out of hearing his little angel say those two words like she was saying "peanut butter" or something as common. Something tells me he won't be laughing if she repeats them to her Sunday School teacher?! UGH!

It's bone"ish"

First, I thought you might want to see what we've been looking at for the last two months, as well as the latest image. You'll notice two weird xray looking images in this post. The profile shot which appears on top is from the MRI in February. You can see the white blob near the center of the top of my head. The second shot is the CT scan, which is shown more from the top of my head. Again, you'll notice the big white blob right on top.

We saw neurosurgeron #2 again today. He saw the same thing we did. The mass is there on CT scan as well as the MRI, so here's what it means. It's bone or some sort of calcification. That's why it showed up on MRI and on the CT scan, just like an xray. This is what raised the initial questions. Most meningiomas will only show up on MRI and then, only when they inject die to give it contrast. Now we know that this mass contains bone-like structure. That's something, but it doesn't get us a definitive answer.

It could be a bone abnormality which has been like that my whole life. If that's the case it won't grow. I'm an adult so my bones are pretty much done getting bigger, we can monitor and see if the size increases. We know it has not grown since the MRI two months ago, so he suggests we wait 6 months and have another MRI to evaluate. If nothing changes, we wait another 6 months and do it again. It could never change, and if that's the case, we have nothing to worry about and nothing needs to be done.

It could be a meningioma, which was the original diagnosis. Those are really slow growing tumors and sometimes they calcify or ossify, which basically means they turn partly to bone. If that's the case, it will, at some point, grow. But it could be years before it's noticeable. If and when we see ANY growth, they'll know it's not a bone and at that point, radiosurgery can stop it from growing any further.

I asked if we're taking any risks by doing nothing. He said the only way to know for sure what it is, it to cut it out, and he said "I wouldn't let you cut into my head at this point. I'd hold off until we know there's a reason to get it out." He also says while her can never say "never" he is 99% sure that this is not anything worse than a benign tumor. He says he's never seen anything malignant turn to bone, those types of cells just grown and replicate too fast for that.

So for now, we watch and wait, and if anything change in my symptoms, they'll do an MRI sooner. Otherwise, we'll schedule an MRI in 6 months and learn more then. We hope. Thanks for all your thoughts, well wishes, and prayers. We feel like we're out of the woods for now, regardless of what it is, it seems it's nothing to panic about, and nothing that will require anything more than the radiosurgery. That's a huge relief for this busy family!

(Thanks to Troy for helping me pull the images from our hospital cd-rom copy of the CT scan and MRI. If I violated any copyrights, sue me! It is my brain you're looking at , I think that should give me squatter's rights or something.)

CT scan follow up

I had the CT scan earlier this week and we see neurosurgeon #2 again tomorrow to go over the results.

They sent the films with me on CD so Troy and I have already cheated and taken a look. There's a bright spot of contrast in the same location where the contrast shows up on MRI. We have no clue what that means, but hope to find that out tomorrow.

I'll try to blog an update if we find out any news at all.

In His Word(s)...

Alex is not the strong silent type, more the "I'll scream until you put that bottle in my mouth" kinda' kid. It really drives Troy nuts. I think he's an angel and he is pretty easy going. But when that kid is hungry and you don't have the food on his tray or the bottle in his mouth, get earplugs. If he's has something to say, he says it, loudly and you may not understand what he says, but you understand exactly what he wants you to.

Anyway, back to the point of my post. Alex has always been noisy, Much more so than his sister ever was. He coos and goos and started really babbling a month or two ago. I think the kid even purrs when he's happy. He has this weird little gurgle that he uses when he's smiling at me while I change his clothes and tickle his little tummy or nuzzle his neck. It's literally the sound of happiness! At least it was until today, when I finally heard my baby boy say a word! His first!

I read on one of those stupid baby website newsletters for "My 11 month old this week" that he should be babbling and saying words at this point. We have the babble down, but no words. Not Mama or Da or anything. Ella's first word was DaDa (which I assume was Daddy or Doggie), so I had high hopes for my boy. I've been working with him on MaMa and I could swear I hear him scream it some of the time when he's awake and desperate to be lifted out of the crib, but he makes lots of sounds when he's mad, so he could just be swearing in baby talk and I'd never know.

Today was different. He said it and recognized exactly what he was talking about. He said it again and again and again, until he got what he wanted. It wasn't DaDa, or Baba and no, it wasn't MaMa either, but that's okay. Alex's first word was Ella. He said it first and it sounded more like "Eh-yah." I heard it and turned to see that she'd walked out of the room where they were playing together. I asked if he wanted Ella to come back and he said it again. "Eh-yah." Then he said it 3 or 4 times right in a row, and you should have seen how hard he worked to move his mouth and lips into different shapes, trying to make just the right sound. It was precious!

Ella, after all is one of my favorite words in the whole world. I can't think of a better choice for the first word to come out of her little brother's mouth. (Ella's quite proud too! She thinks it's pretty special that he chose her name out of all the words he could have used.)

Baby Robinson #3

NO! We're not pregnant and not trying.

But I don't want Troy to "get fixed" because I haven't signed off on the possibility of having a third baby. (Plus, I insist if the brain tumor kills me he'll have to remarry and his 2nd wife may want a kid. He HATES it when I say that, so I had to throw it in. I've even picked out a few gals who I think would be good options for him, now is that a generous wife or what! Seriously, I'm just looking out for who I'd want around my kids on a full-time basis, but this is another post completely.)

Anyway, back to babies... something lately just has the urge stirring. Maybe it's that Alex is about to turn 1. Maybe it's that he no longer wants to sit quietly on my lap and snuggle, he'd rather race around after his sister and fall off of things to inflict more bruising.

He did fall asleep in the car a few nights ago and when I lifted him out of the car seat, he was still out cold. This is rare, so I just sat and enjoyed. He was snuggled up with his head and hand on my chest. I could feel his breath going in and coming out, it was precious and magical! I just couldn't imagine not having a baby nuzzle in like that again!

I told Troy I think I want a third, and he told me he thinks I'm crazy. For now, we can't get pregnant, because if I need brain surgery of any kind, the neurosurgeon wouldn't want me pregnant. But all 4 doctors (5 if you count my OB) still tell us it's an option in spite of the tumor and treatments.

So if and when the time comes, we'll decide if we're up for the family of 5, or not. I'm perfectly content with the family we have. All I ever wanted was to be a Momma, and I got that with my precious Ella. I've said the rest of my life is just gravy, so I guess Alex is the best little gravy I've ever snuggled up and giggled with.

What does that make a possible baby #3? Perhaps the perfect dessert, or a glass of Grappa if you're Troy. Either way, I'm not ready for the waiter to bring us the check!

Neurosurgeon #2, he's a keeper

Finally a doctor I respect, understand and like. This one's a keeper. (I'm sure Troy's glad to hear that, he's sick of coming along for these 2nd, 3rd and 4th opinions, with a $50 copay for each, but he's been a trooper!)

We left again, with no more definitive answers, but more information on why there are so many questions. Let's start at the beginning:

- what is it? he doesn't know, and here's why: He thinks it is probably a meningioma, which was the initial diagnosis. (by the way he says there is only 1, the second blip only shows up on 1 slide, so he doesn't think it's actually anything to note) But this doesn't show up like typical meningioma. When you get an MRI they take pictures of slices of your brain. They do it from top to bottom and front to back and side to side. Then they inject you with a contrast dye and take the same pictures again. Meningiomas typically only show up on the second set of pictures, after you get the dye to light it up. Mine shows up on both sets of pictures, which leads them to view the mass as something else, possibly containing bone, or marrow, or blood. It could be a bone tumor, it could be a fatty tumor, it could be many things, so they want to rule some of those out BEFORE treating it as a meningioma. That's good news. We like knowing that they want to be sure of what it is, before they zap it with a laser or cut it out. Good call!

- what do we do about it? he doesn't know, and here's why: If it's bone or another type of tumor, we have to treat it differently. If it is a meningioma, they're slow growing, rarely cancerous and still eligible for both options radiosurgery, or the traditional crainiotomy (brain surgery). But we can't decide what to do, until we know more about what it is.

- how do we find out, and when will we know? we do more scans and hopefully in 2-3 months, we'll have a more definitive answer. They're scheduling a CAT scan right away. That will show him if the mass is bone, and then he can work to further determine if it's a bone tumor, abnormality, or whatever, and we'll move in that direction. In 2-3 months, he suggests we do another MRI, which will help determine the growth rate. If it's slow growing, like most meningiomas, we can then determine what to do and when to do it.

- do we need to remove it? yes, most likely, we do, the question is when. Meningiomas are slow growing, but I'm young and I will likely have to deal with it at some point before I die. If we discovered this when I was 92 years old, he'd say ignore it, you won't be around long enough for it to matter. It's NOT causing problems now, so it doesn't need to be removed immediately. If it's a slow-growing, meningioma, then it could be 20 years before it's large enough to put enough pressure on any part of my brain to notice a problem. So yes, in theory we could wait an not have to deal with it for years to come. But, I'd be older then and you always recover better from surgery when you're young, plus, when it's smaller you have more options such as the radio surgery. Once it's bigger, your only option is full blown brain surgery.

- what are the surgery options and which is best? the second half of that question is tough to answer, but we'll know more about what's best when we know what it is. There are basically two types of procedures for us to consider a crainiotomy (knife into scalp, saw through scull, cut out tumor tissue and close head back up) or radiosurgery (targeted radiation rays blasted to exact point in my brain to freeze tumor and stop future growth.)

- what are the pros and cons of crainiotomy? pros, you remove the tumor and any questionable surrounding tissue, you do pathology on the tumor to determine exactly what it is and if it could cause future problems elsewhere in your body. Cons, this is brain surgery. You spend 2 days in intensive care, 4-5 days in the hospital, minimum of 2 months before you get energy and ability level back, plus setbacks after that. Oh, and they have to shave some of your hair off.

- what are the pros and cons of radiosurgery? pros, no cutting, no shaving, no scar, you don't even get undressed for the surgery, you leave the hospital the same day, you can drive yourself home (but they don't suggest that) Cons, the tumor stays in there, it just stays the size it is and the radiation stops it from growing any larger which would cause the future problems, you don't get to do pathology, so you don't know what it is, or whether it could cause future problems down the road. (upside of that is, I'll have to get an MRI and CT scan at least once a year for the rest of my life, so if something did turn up, we'd know quickly.)

- what next? We schedule a CT scan in the next week or so. That will tell him immediately if it's bone which leads in a new direction, if it's not, we'll continue to assume it's probably a meningioma. We schedule a follow up MRI in 2-3 months and see if it's grown, etc.. and we come back to see him. (unless of course something important is revealed in the CT scan, then he'd want us back immediately for a completely different set of options, but that's not what he's expecting.)

- are we wasting precious time? no, he doesn't see anything to indicate this is fast growing and even at 2.7 centimeters, he says I'm a long way from the radiosurgery cut off points. He say that rather than a round ball, my tumor is long and skinny, like a comb. That makes it easier to target all the outside of the tumor, so it can be 5-6cm long and still be okay for radiosugery.

- what about the possible mini-stroke? he doesn't think that's the case. he thinks the spot on my brain is from the migraine drug reaction, when I thought I was having a heart attack and experienced the numb, tight, weak feeling on my left side. He thinks that did kill some brain cells, which is what showed up, but that's deep in the center of my brain. He says the risk of stroke from birth control pills is in the large blood vessels of the brain, and he doesn't see ANY problem there. His advice was to weigh our options, if the ovarian cysts are also a threat to my lifestyle, he says to go back on hormone and control the cysts, but preferably just progesterone and not estrogen. We're waiting that out for a month or so to see how it goes.

Okay, I think that covers the basics, so now you're as up to date as we are. More to come after the CT scan, if it shows anything or after our follow up in 2-3 months. Until then, keep the good thoughts and prayers coming!

Herpes! or Crazy Lady with the virus

It's not a word anyone likes to use, but yes, Ella has herpes. It's technically Herpes simplex 1. This started last Wednesday morning with a sore neck (throat) and fever or 102. We went to the doctor, he ruled it a virus and sent us on our way.

Friday: fever or 104, we learn we've been exposed to mono, she's complaining that her teeth hurt, we go back to the doctor, they do a mono test, urine test for a bladder infection, rule it a virus again and send us on our way.

Saturday: more complaints that her teeth hurt and we can see a cold sore by her lower molar, so we start using Chloraseptic and Ora-jel as the doc recommended to help ease the pain. We continue Motrin and Tylenol every 4 hours to keep the fever down.

Sunday: I'm not kidding in you Ella's mouth smelled worse than her butt! Her gums were so swollen you could barely tell she had teeth at all, and her gums were bleeding because the teeth were cutting into them. She had stopped eating, drinking, etc... She begged for food, we just couldn't get her to eat once we made it, because it hurt SOOOO bad. Mommy gets on the Internet knowing this is not right and child should not be in this much agony. Since Friday night, Ella has not slept for more than 2 hours straight. She wakes up (sort of) screaming for the spray and swabs on her gums, but this numbing only lasts temporarily. Mommy also calls the nurse at Children's hospital who tell us to have her rinse her mouth with Maalox or Mylanta, since it has a numbing agent, who knew!?

Monday: Mommy drops Alex at Laura's house and head's to Urgent Care at Children's hospital to find someone who won't think she's a crazy lady with a virus that insists her child is in agony!!! Everyone takes a look at her smile and almost cries. It's ugly and she's miserable. She's now lost 4 pounds in 5 days which is a lot when you only weigh 30 lbs. to start with! The doctor takes a look and I throw in "I know I'm not a doctor, but I tried to find some help on the Internet, could she have herpes?" Da da da da!!!!! DING, DING, DING! "Yes, that's exactly what I think she has!" I love this doctor! I am NOT CRAZY! MY CHILD IS IN PAIN, PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THIS AND HELP HER! The doctor indicates this does happen to a few kids when they're exposed to the herpes virus for the first time. Most of us would just get a cold sore, Ella now has hundreds of these ulcers covering her tongue, gums, cheeks, tonsils and throat. She is miserable and the doctor indicates she will need narcotics to make it through the next 7-10 days! My POOOOOR baby! They use the magic mouthwash with is the Mylanta the nurse mentioned mixed with Benadryl to help soothe and calm her inflamed gums.

Tuesday & Wednesday: We now do the magic mouthwash rinse 6 times a day and Ella actually looks forward to it, because it helps her mouth not to hurt. We also have Tylenol with Codeine. We've been using that mainly at bedtime, although yesterday she got really upset and mean about half way through the day and she asked for the mouthwash. I checked and her gums were bleeding again, so we used it during the day as well. They gave us enough to give it to her around the clock and said not to be afraid to use it to keep her comfortable, so that's what we're doing. She's been sleeping through the night and is eating soft foods in small amounts if we give her the mouthwash first, we've done Spaghetti O's and popsicles and a banana.

Lesson learned: NEVER let any doctor make you feel like you're overestimating or exaggerating what's happening to your child. I knew she was in pain and something wasn't right with the teeth and gums. I could and should have taken her in over the weekend and gotten her some relief instead of waiting until Monday, but I was afraid to be labeled as that crazy lady with the virus, who just won't give up. I'll never give up when it comes to my kid, so back off! I've got a degree in journalism and I'm not afraid to use it! You haven't seen pushy until you push me!

In the meantime, we're tolerating the stinky breath and hoping the gums will heal back up soon. (the photo is pre-herpes, just a sweet shot of her smile!)

Easter in KC