Life is scary when you're planning for death!

When you're single you might have a little life insurance. Mine was through my employer, so was Troy's. That all changed when I was around 6 months pregnant with Ella. The doctor made the big announcement that "this baby is now strong enough to survive outside of your body. So assume you're parents from this point." That puts the fear of God in you!

Crazy pregnant lady started thinking of things like "What if Troy gets killed in a car wreck? Can I raise this baby on my own? Can I afford it?" "What if we're both killed and the baby survives? Who is going to take care of her?" "What if I die in childbirth?" (like Little House on the Prairie or something!) "This baby has to be provided for."

So we started buying life insurance. When you sit down and calculate how much it will cost to get both Ella and the new baby through childhood and eventually college, the numbers are staggering! Now that we've secured the life insurance we need, I'm a little worried that Ella and her baby brother may decide to "WHACK" us. We're worth a fortune if we're dead!!!

That's only part of the morbid discussions that Troy and I have had during my pregnancies. We also had to designate guardians. If, God forbid, something happened to both of us, we wanted to know where Ella would be, who would care for her, who would raise her as their own child if we couldn't do it?

That was a difficult decision to make. Not because we don't have many worthy choices among our family and friends. It's just that suddenly, you realize you're planning for your child's life without you. We had wills drawn up well before Ella was born. We made sure she'd be financially secure and that she'd have loving people to help her navigate life.

Now that we're expecting baby #2, we've revisited this decision. First, we wanted to consult with the friends who we chose to raise Ella. Taking on one additional child is a great commitment. Taking on two kids as your own couldn't be an automatic assumption on our part.
( Of course, they graciously accepted and assured us that should anything happen, our children would be theirs, loved equally and specially along with their own kids. )

I think it was actually harder to think about this the second time around. I loved Ella before she was born. When we selected her guardians, it was difficult to imagine not seeing her grow up. But, now that we know her, we're attached to her, we need her in our lives, I simply cannot imagine how life could continue without us all together.

How could anyone else know what she needs when she cries out at night? Is it gas? Does her ear hurt? Did she have a bad dream? Who knows that whining at the kitchen cabinet means she wants to carry her box of cereal and dump out a few pieces to eat? Who knows that when she picks up her pillow and blanket from the living room toy box and says "eye sigh" she wants to watch a Baby Einstein video? Now that we know her every move and grunt and whimper and smile, how can anyone else provide the love and care that we do?

This has to be the toughest reality of being a parent. I've always heard that if you're prepared for this sort of thing... you'll never need to use that preparation. We can only hope!

Christmas in Florida

We didn't plan on this trip. But Troy's brother, Nick, passed away unexpectedly on Christmas weekend, so we flew to Florida to be with his family and help with the funeral plans etc...

We left on Christmas morning and spent the week there. There were a lot of firsts. Ella's first time on a plane, her first trip to Grandma & Grandpa Robinson's house, her first trip to the beach... she had a great time.

It was a very difficult week for the entire family. Troy helped sort through Nick's things and make arrangements with his parents. We considered leaving Ella at home, but she was a welcome break for her Daddy and just about everyone else.

Wednesday morning, Troy wanted a break from anything that had to do with a funeral, so we took Ella to the beach. We only had about 45 minutes between errands and visitors at the house. But it was well worth it.

At first she didn't know what to think of the sand between her toes or how to walk on this weird stuff. But pretty soon she played in the sand, tried to eat the sand, and found a seashell to bring home. She wasn't big on the water... but it was pretty cool down there. We'll try that again next time.

Rough trip... but Ella made for some light moments and as usual, she was a big hit.

It's a boy!!!

It's been awhile since I've had time to post. With the holidays, my family in town, an unexpected trip to Florida for a funeral, etc... we're just now getting back into the swing of things.

We saw the specialist a week before Christmas and had our level 2 ultrasound. We decided to keep the news a secret and let the grandparents know on Christmas Day. Now I think just about everyone is aware that baby Robinson #2 appears to be a boy!

I had to ask the doctor to say it twice for Troy. He was so sure this would be another girl. I had a feeling this pregnancy was completely different, but you never know. Now Troy's greatest fear is that we'll have to buy everything again!

The most important news is that everything so far appears to be quite normal and healthy with this baby. That's all we could ask for. He appears to be growing and developing right on schedule. No signs of any of the problems that go along with pregnancy for "older women." (yes that's me, over the magic age of 35!!!) We're very lucky.

I'm still adjusting to the idea of having a son. The girl thing was pretty simple. I'm a girl. So, I know how they act, what the want, how to fix hair and dress them. Girls are drama queens. Once you get past that... you're fine. Boys are a completely different species for me. I'm still trying to figure out Troy! I'm so afraid that I'll snuggle this baby too much. What if I turn him into a Mama's boy? Troy will never forgive me! I've told Troy he's in charge of this one... I'll just handle the clothes and haircuts.

Seriously... we're both very excited and Ella is starting to get more used to the idea of another baby in the house. If you ask her where baby brother is, she'll point to her tummy and say "Mama." She knows he's in there. Sometimes she'll pull up my shirt and tug at my waistband so she can pat "him." I tell her he's growing big and strong so he can come out and play with her soon.

Hopefully she'll be ready to "play nice" by the time he gets here!