Just look at the sky I saw this morning just before I took Max to his hearing evaluation!
It's a beautiful day!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Photo challenge day 3 clouds
Every cloud has a silver lining... right?
Just look at the sky I saw this morning just before I took Max to his hearing evaluation!
Just look at the sky I saw this morning just before I took Max to his hearing evaluation!
NOT a slam dunk
Well, today was interesting... Max had his hearing evaluation, which was really, just supposed to be a check on the to-do list. Since he was having some speech delays, the neo-natal psychologist wanted to get it checked to rule hearing out as part of the problem. I know he can hear he looks when I call his name, he cries, when we tell him know, he giggles when the doggies bark or his brother makes spitting sounds... this was a slam dunk... WRONG.
First problem, was that he has a double ear infection. Once again, he didn't exhibit pain, because he doesn't understand what pain is. To him, like has been painful, so he doesn't cry, he doesn't run a fever, he doesn't tug at his ears... he just is. That's sad.. that his normal has been so painful, that something that would make any other kid scream doesn't phase him. But it also shows me how strong he is.. and how much he can and has endured. He's stronger than I could ever think of being.
Aside from the double ear infection, he also appears to have hearing loss. It could be partly from the fluid in there, but it also appears to be deep in his inner ear, behind his eardrum, and his nerves aren't responding. This is apparently not uncommon for preemies. Max is at risk for late on-set hearing loss. He has lots of risk factors... his early birth and under developed neuro-system... the infection I had which caused his early delivery... the antibiotic which kept him alive for while his bowels leaked poison into his body...
So... here we go.. we see a pediatric ENT in 12 days, we schedule surgery to put in tubes, they will admit him and monitor him overnight, doctors will administer enough anesthesia to knock him out (because it takes a lot, he has built quite a tolerance), while he's sedated, they'll put electrodes through his ear drum once the fluid is removed to check his inner ear for permanent damage... and then we'll find out where we go from here.
We can't wait. It's important, because this is a key time for his speech, and he could be missing sounds at certain frequencies which will help him learn to speak. That's the scary part. Knowing that he can hear us and make noises, but will he be able to speak and speak clearly... will he be able to communicate.
The thought of surgery scares me. It always will with Max. Ella has had tubes, twice in fact, so I know it's no big deal, but everything is a big deal for Max.... and surgery is my trigger with him. It was my worst moment. When he had his emergency heart surgery... and we had to walk out of his room.. they were doing surgery right there... but everyone, including the surgeon stepped away... and told us to take our time with him. They were giving us time to say goodbye first. He was dying.... and we might never see him alive again. I know this is different. I know he's bigger and stronger. I know this is not a risky surgery... but I still fear it... because it reminds me of where we've been.
I'm also reminded of how delicate the balance has been... to have Max here with us. The most likely source of this latest hurdle... .. is the antibiotic Gentamyicin (sp?). He took a cocktail of 3 strong, IV antibiotics for WEEKS after his bowels perforated. It's just the latest give and take...
- the IV lipids, gave him fat until he could eat, but they have also led to his low facial tone and possibly his speech delays
- the Lasix, kept fluid off his lungs and heart, but stripped his bones of calcium and led to his 3 cracked ribs
- the oxygen, can lead to vision loss or blindness
- the ventilator and tube in his mouth, helped him breathe, but also have caused his palate to be so arched he can't touch his tongue to the roof of his mouth to clear out food or make certain sounds
.. and the list just seems to grow. But the bottom line is... we did and the doctors did any and everything they could to help his little body function in the real world... when he should have still been in the Mommy motel. While we are saddened by the problems that continue to develop, we know that these are the choices that had to be made... just to save his life. I just have to admit, I look forward to the day when I take him to an appointment, and a doctor tells me "no worries, he's right on track..." surely that day is coming... right?
We are reminded daily, how blessed we are, just to have him here with us. If he's blind or deaf or can't walk or can't talk or can't go to school.. he is a blessing. He is a miracle. God has a purpose for Max... and my purpose is to be his Mommy. I have never been given a greater challenge or a greater gift in my life.
First problem, was that he has a double ear infection. Once again, he didn't exhibit pain, because he doesn't understand what pain is. To him, like has been painful, so he doesn't cry, he doesn't run a fever, he doesn't tug at his ears... he just is. That's sad.. that his normal has been so painful, that something that would make any other kid scream doesn't phase him. But it also shows me how strong he is.. and how much he can and has endured. He's stronger than I could ever think of being.
Aside from the double ear infection, he also appears to have hearing loss. It could be partly from the fluid in there, but it also appears to be deep in his inner ear, behind his eardrum, and his nerves aren't responding. This is apparently not uncommon for preemies. Max is at risk for late on-set hearing loss. He has lots of risk factors... his early birth and under developed neuro-system... the infection I had which caused his early delivery... the antibiotic which kept him alive for while his bowels leaked poison into his body...
So... here we go.. we see a pediatric ENT in 12 days, we schedule surgery to put in tubes, they will admit him and monitor him overnight, doctors will administer enough anesthesia to knock him out (because it takes a lot, he has built quite a tolerance), while he's sedated, they'll put electrodes through his ear drum once the fluid is removed to check his inner ear for permanent damage... and then we'll find out where we go from here.
We can't wait. It's important, because this is a key time for his speech, and he could be missing sounds at certain frequencies which will help him learn to speak. That's the scary part. Knowing that he can hear us and make noises, but will he be able to speak and speak clearly... will he be able to communicate.
The thought of surgery scares me. It always will with Max. Ella has had tubes, twice in fact, so I know it's no big deal, but everything is a big deal for Max.... and surgery is my trigger with him. It was my worst moment. When he had his emergency heart surgery... and we had to walk out of his room.. they were doing surgery right there... but everyone, including the surgeon stepped away... and told us to take our time with him. They were giving us time to say goodbye first. He was dying.... and we might never see him alive again. I know this is different. I know he's bigger and stronger. I know this is not a risky surgery... but I still fear it... because it reminds me of where we've been.
I'm also reminded of how delicate the balance has been... to have Max here with us. The most likely source of this latest hurdle... .. is the antibiotic Gentamyicin (sp?). He took a cocktail of 3 strong, IV antibiotics for WEEKS after his bowels perforated. It's just the latest give and take...
- the IV lipids, gave him fat until he could eat, but they have also led to his low facial tone and possibly his speech delays
- the Lasix, kept fluid off his lungs and heart, but stripped his bones of calcium and led to his 3 cracked ribs
- the oxygen, can lead to vision loss or blindness
- the ventilator and tube in his mouth, helped him breathe, but also have caused his palate to be so arched he can't touch his tongue to the roof of his mouth to clear out food or make certain sounds
.. and the list just seems to grow. But the bottom line is... we did and the doctors did any and everything they could to help his little body function in the real world... when he should have still been in the Mommy motel. While we are saddened by the problems that continue to develop, we know that these are the choices that had to be made... just to save his life. I just have to admit, I look forward to the day when I take him to an appointment, and a doctor tells me "no worries, he's right on track..." surely that day is coming... right?
We are reminded daily, how blessed we are, just to have him here with us. If he's blind or deaf or can't walk or can't talk or can't go to school.. he is a blessing. He is a miracle. God has a purpose for Max... and my purpose is to be his Mommy. I have never been given a greater challenge or a greater gift in my life.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Photo challenge day 2 what you wore today
Really, how am I supposed to take a picture of what I'm wearing??? This was a tough one... but here's what I got.
It really is a cute little dress, t-shirt knit, flirty, but it was windy... it's always windy when I decide to wear a skirt. Consequently, I walked around holding onto my hem for much of the day.
Maybe next time, I should just wait until I shower before bedtime, and take a picture of the dirty laundry on my floor?? I'm gonna get more creative before this challenge ends!
It really is a cute little dress, t-shirt knit, flirty, but it was windy... it's always windy when I decide to wear a skirt. Consequently, I walked around holding onto my hem for much of the day.
Maybe next time, I should just wait until I shower before bedtime, and take a picture of the dirty laundry on my floor?? I'm gonna get more creative before this challenge ends!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Photo challenge: day 1 self portait
It's not easy taking a photo of yourself... I'm lucky to have both ears and my chin in the shot.. and not just a blur of colors.
I took this one a couple of weeks ago, with my phone, so friends could see my new, shorter haircut. I let Ashlee lop off 8 inches... because I was SICK AND TIRED of the long, dry Mommy hair. This resembles the haircut I had when Troy and I met, and when I was still working... guess I'm still in a rut.. even with my new look???
A new challenge...
I love these challenges! Because they give me an excuse to write about things or show pics of things I might normally forget about. This is a great way to capture the next month of my life... it goes by so quickly! I'll post the self-portrait tonight.... and we'll see if I can stick with this for 30 days. Troy did help me pick out a new cell phone... and it has a MUCH better camera on board, so there you go... I'll test it out!
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