Welcome back to the Jungle!

Well, it's official... tomorrow is mommy's first day back to work. Well, actually, I've been working all along, freelance... and that's what I'm doing now as well. But this time, it's not from home and I don't just step out for the occasional client meeting or event. I'm actually going to work, on a schedule, and more importantly, in a newsroom.

I'm just doing some vacation relief work at FOX 4. A few days or weekends a month to help fill in. I worked for them back in the 90's... so it's nice to be welcomed back!

But seriously, I haven't set foot in a newsroom for almost 6 years. (unless you count getting a football signed or Ella's Daisy troop tour) When Ella was born, I went back for 2 weeks and knew I was done. I gave my 2 weeks notice and never looked back.

Going back to work is one thing... but I've been juggling that all along. The freelance works around my kids and our family schedule... but going back to a newsroom, is a whole different beast. Newsrooms are cut-throat, competitive, tough and for that reason, I haven't missed the business one bit. I LOVE producing!!! I'll love to write again, to be part of the fast-pace of breaking news, to whisper in some one's ear and make them look like like they're so smart and on top of things... but will I love that return to the aggressive, competitive environment??

I was on top of my game the last time I did this. I was young, single, carefree, and I lived for that job and the climb to make more money, get more power, make more decisions, and have some sort of control. Now I have a husband, a mortgage, 3 kids, 2 dogs a super-sized SUV and I've relinquished all control. I'm lucky to control whether we have enough toilet paper in the house on any given day.

And that's not the only difference... I told Troy last night, "I need my TV body back." I didn't look like this. I was younger, thinner, more fit and lots more fun "back in the day." I guess the reality is, my outside must reflect the changes I've experienced on the inside. I'm just not the same girl that I was back then. I'm a woman, a wife, a mom... a lot has changed. I've survived a brain tumor, unemployment, and 4+ months in the NICU with a critically ill child who is still developmentally delayed and immuno-compromised. I feel like I've conquered the world... but can I still do this TV thing and do it as well as I once did???

I love my life now. I wouldn't trade what I have with Troy and the kids for anything. Leaving my stressful, long hours in TV news was the best decision I've ever made. Going back is scary, but exciting too. There are lots of familiar names, faces, and friends that I'll be happy to work with again. But as always, there is a new computer system to learn, and really... they always stink!

Plus I'll be leaving the kids alone with Troy. He is the best husband and father a family could ask for... but he's gonna have his hands full and I"m not sure he realizes that yet. Just this first weekend of my computer training... he'll have 3 birthday parties, one hair cut appointment, school lunches for Monday, talent show practice, clothing and showers for Monday plus feeding, diapering and clothing 3 kids. Seriously, he may quit before I get home!!

I'm doing so much prep to have things ready for him... my week has been a fiasco! Party gifts are wrapped and labeled, groceries purchased, clothes laundered and laid out for parties, and school Monday, kid back-up rides are in place, schedule rearranged to allow for extra Daddy time. (because he's not as fast at this as I am yet) And that's just this first weekend. Did I mention I'm missing Ella's recital, no, Daddy will NOT be in charge of hair and make-up for that one...

It's going to be a juggling act... for all of us. But financially, this has been the toughest year ever for our family. We had almost $20,000 in medical expenses and that's just what insurance and Max's Medicaid DIDN'T cover! We need this as well as my freelance and any other work we can get. I can't go back full-time, because Max can't go to childcare, and he has so many doctor and therapy and clinic appointments, etc... that a Nanny would cost us more than I could ever make.

This is what works for us. It will be an adjustment, but I'm really hoping to find joy in both worlds. Wish us luck and say an extra prayer if you could!!!