The gift of milk...

It's not a subject I would normally discuss in public, but well, it's about the breasts. I've used them as tools with my first two babies and they've served us well. Making plenty of milk to feed those hungry little mouths, until I was heading back to work or started anti-biotic and then they switched to formula.

This time is different. It's so hard to breastfeed when your baby is a preemie! First, your body isn't ready for this baby. Then the baby isn't ready for the milk. Then you resort to pumping and freezing. For me, that was little bits of milk and then it was none.

Max gave me almost 2 months head start, because of his perforated bowel, and surgeries, he just started eating in the last 2 weeks. But now he's rapidly eating through the small amounts of milk that I was able to store up. We're running out of breast milk and fast.

Normally, I'd say it's time to switch to formula. But Max's bowels are very sensitive. He's been through 2 surgeries and still has one to go, he's had a perforation, an obstruction, and most likely NEC. Now he has a stoma. (part of his intestines sticking out through his abdomen)

The first thing his surgeon wanted him to have in the belly and those delicate bowels is breast milk. It would be gentlest and best. But now that we're almost out, that option is fading. They've started mixing it with a pre-digested formula, but we have a better option.

A wonderful friend who is still breast feeding, but trying to wean her baby has offered to pump and provide milk for Max. She agreed to a battery of lab tests to make sure her blood would meet the infectious disease requirements for Max. She is not alone.

Another NICU mom has also offered to help by providing the milk she has stored and saved. This is an unexpected gift. This mom, just like me, gave birth early. Her baby was cared from in a room just two doors away from Max, the same hospital, nurses and doctors. But her baby, tragically, did not survive. I cannot imagine her grief, or maybe I can.

Every day, for the last 68 days, I have thought about losing Max. I've prayed that he doesn't die, tried to prepare myself in case he does, cried and worried and wondered and begged anyone in the NICU to tell me he wouldn't. I've thought about how I would feel, how would we survive, how we would grieve.

What this NICU mom has endured and is surviving now, is something I hope and pray I won't have to. What she's giving us is a wonderful gift.

There is so little we can do for Max. We've been helpless for these 68 days, watching the medical professionals care for him, pumping and storing that milk was my one task to help him heal. Now that it's almost gone, I feel helpless again. It's one thing Max needs that I can't give him. But this mom can and she is willing and I am so grateful. Words can never express what this means to me. I hope to have the chance to speak to this mom soon and learn more about her baby. I also hope that someday, Max will be able to thank her himself for this selfless gift of milk.