The bad part... of being such a good baby

Max is really every mother's dream... (well, now he is) He sleeps from 10 pm until 8 am EVERY night, he naps, he eats, he plays, he's not crabby or fussing or into everything... but there's a drawback to all this goodness.

Max doesn't seem to have much motivation. He's curious when you put something in front of him. He'll pick up a board book and fiddle with the pages, he'll stick things in his mouth, but he doesn't have much motivation to explore the rest of the world around him. We've put him on a playmat, in the jumpy swing, in a saucer, and now sitting on the floor or even all fours. He plays with the toys within his reach... he goes CRAZY with them some of the time... but he never fusses when they're gone or tries to get them back, or goes after them. If he rolls over from his sitting position, he doesn't cry or struggle or try to get back up. He just lays there and looks at the toy that he can no longer reach. The most effort we see is frantic kicking of the legs... that's usually how I know something is going on. I hear the "thump, thump, thump..." and I know Max is awake, or that he's fallen over.

His crib mattress is still on the highest level... where a newborn sleeps. Yes he can sit up. But no, he won't do it on his own. He doesn't try to grab at the bumper and get out, he just lays there, looking at an occasional toy and snuggling or chewing on it, and waiting.... for someone to come get him. He'll cry out if his pants are poopy sometimes... or if he's really hungry sometimes... but for the most part, he just lays and waits and is content.

Today, with his physical therapist, we started putting Max on all fours. Now that he's mastered sitting, and is starting to stand and kneel beside a table or other piece of furniture, we're working to get him crawling. Problem is, he's just not interested in moving. He'll sit there on his hands and knees, looking at a toy, even the ones he really like, but he won't go after them. He doesn't fuss or cry because he can't get to them, he just looks and waits.

I have NO IDEA where he gets his patience. I have none, neither does Troy. I love that he is such a good baby. I love that he is easy going, and a fantastic teether and a good sleeper and just a general joy to be around... but I wish he'd push and stretch and reach and grab to get things. I wish he'd start pulling up so we'd have to lower his mattress, I wish he'd want something, or someone so much, that he'd find the motivation to move. I hope it's just that his body isn't ready... but I also hope that it's not a sign that he may not move the way a normal child does. I hope that someday, I'll see him crawl and walk and run and play, just like every other child. I just hope....

Blogging challenge... the one I put off...

Day 13: a letter to someone

I had a hard time with this one. I'm written several important letters in my life. One to Troy on our wedding day, two to my kids when I found out I had a brain tumor and feared I wouldn't be here to see them grow up. I'm finally writing this letter.


Dearest Lilli:

You don't know me and I am so sad that I never had the chance to meet you. But you will always be such an important part of my life.

You see, your mommy is perhaps the most amazing person I've ever met. I had a baby, Max, who was in the hospital with you. Just like you, Max was born too soon, too small, and too sick to come home with us.

It was during our darkest hour, and your mommy was a bright spot. We met your mommy and daddy when Max was very sick, just like you were. He was having surgery and we were very sad and scared. Since you had been in the hospital for a few weeks already, your mommy knew just what we were going through. She reassured us, she comforted us, she was a friend when we felt so alone.

We didn't see her again for a few weeks, and when we did, we learned that you had been so sick that you had gone to heaven, to be with your sister. We were so sad, but your mommy did an amazing thing. While you were sick, and couldn't eat, she'd been saving up all that breast milk... and when you went to heaven, and didn't need it anymore, she offered to share it with Max.

Max really needed that milk. I couldn't give him any, and because he was sick, it was almost like medicine to help him get better. I was sad and I had cried and prayed to God to help us find a way to help Max. Maybe God talked to you, maybe you talked to your mommy... then God answered my prayers and sent your mommy to help us.




As wonderful as that was. It makes me sad. Because saving Max meant that you weren't here anymore. Your mommy and daddy missed you very much and I couldn't understand why God was letting Max stay with us, while he was keeping you and Addilyn in heaven.

We knew that you and your sister were Max' guardian angels. We knew that you watched over him while he was in the hospital, we know that you will always be such an important part of his life. When Max is older, we'll tell him all about you and Addilyn and how special your lives were and how you helped keep him here with us.

We are so happy that your mommy and daddy have a brand new baby at home with them! Your baby sister, Lydia is just so beautiful and tiny and precious! You must have been watching over her too, because we were afraid when she came early... but she's so wonderful and healthy, you must be watching over her everyday.

Max has already met Lydia once. I hope he'll see her again many times in the future. We will always feel so connected to you and your family, because of the milk your mommy shared. She gave us the most generous gift. She is the most wonderful mommy ever. But, of course, you already know that, and so does Addilyn and now... so does Lydia.

We love and miss you Lilli. We hope you had a wonderful first birthday in heaven.
Jennifer (Max's mommy)

Blogging challenge days 29 and 30!

Day 29: what have you learned this past month?

- That my husband stinks at remembering important dates.
- That my 5 year old is testing boundaries on MANY fronts and we are setting the boundaries for her.
- That Alex panics when poop time comes and may or may not make it onto the potty.
- That the people of Japan are amazingly patient, gracious, and respectful of themselves and others, even in the worst disaster I can imagine. (I know can learn something more about my own patience from this one)
- That Max changes on a DIME! Literally overnight, he can accomplish tasks, like sitting, that we've been working on for weeks!!!
- That I really don't miss the infant car seat bucket.
- That having a preschool boy added to the bathroom routine means many more frequent cleanings, and we really miss Callie!
- That I'm way out of the working loop since last year and I need some new clothes and a suitable notebook.
- That taxes are infuriating! Especially this year!
- That yet another of my children is a wookie and will indeed have the Robinson cowlick.
- That we are blessed beyond words.



Day 30: your favorite song

I have lots...

"Marry Me" by Train is playing a lot right now, and it makes me cry in the car.
" Lost" by Michael Buble was a song Troy and I heard shortly after my brain tumor diagnosis, and it still reminds me that I have a partner for everything in my life.
"From this Moment" sung at our wedding by Krista Eyler (aka Funky Mama) will always be special.
"Jesus Loves Me" which happens to be Ella's lyrical dance for competition this year reduces me to tears.


My ABSOLUTE favorite has to be "You are my Sunshine." I've been singing it to the kids since they were born, and Alex and Ella both request a lot of nights at bedtime. We can sing it together now... and someday, Max will sing it with us. It already makes him smile!

Happy 11 months Max!

He was worked so hard for this, and today, Max officially sat up, by himself for almost an hour!

He and big brother played with the toddler toys. (Alex showed him how everything works)

It was AWESOME!!!

Blogging challenge day 28

Day 28: a picture of you from the past year and how you've changed since then

Wow! what a year it's been!

This photo is from February 2010. It was "Mommy Day" at Ella's preschool and we had a blast! I was just 4 months pregnant and didn't need maternity clothes yet. I was getting over morning sickness, although I still had to bring lemon water with me.

The kids had found out at Christmas that a baby was on the way, and we were close to learning the baby's sex. I was on top of the world!



I had no idea that 2 months later, that new baby would be here. That I'd almost NEVER set foot inside Ella's school, but thanks to her wonderful teachers, friends and their families, she continued school, and thrived during the most difficult time for our family.

Look how I don't have the big bags under my eyes! I feel like I aged 100 years in these past 12 months. I know Troy and I both look and feel older. But Max is a great sleeper now, and we're trying to recoup some of that lost time.

It's been a an amazing year of struggle, survival and love for us. We made it through stronger than we every thought possible, and blessed. God gave us a third, wonderful, happy baby who brings such joy to our lives everyday. It's been a crazy year, but worth every minute!

This year taught me that the struggles in our life are all for a reason. I left TV for a reason, I worked at PKD and met Morgan for a reason, I was laid off from my full-time job at PKD for a reason, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor (our biggest health scare to that point) for a reason, etc... it's amazing how much God prepared us for what was coming with Max.

Looking back... anything before this past year was kind of a blur... but it's so great to see where we were and how we're starting to circle back to some sort of normal in our lives again.

"the Flash!"

Alex has been invited to a party for one of his buddies at school... it's a super hero theme... so we went online to let him pick a costume.

I assumed he'd go for Spider Man... Troy guessed Superman... even Batman wouldn't have been a huge surprise... but no, Alex wanted the Flash.







All he knew was that I told him the Flash was very fast... good enough.
Isn't he the cutest little flash you've ever seen!?!?!?

Blogging challenge day 27

Day 27: why are you doing this 30 day challenge?

It keeps me on my blog daily, and reminds me to post about things that I might forget to share with family and friends who we aren't in constant contact with...

plus some friends were doing it.. and I thought it looked fun...

and it prompted me to scan old photos that I didn't have stored digitally, including our wedding photos, which has to be a good idea????