Not ready to "reunite"

Yesterday was the annual NICU reunion, and we just couldn't do it. The weather could not have been more perfect. I had wondered if it might be too warm for Max. But it really turned out to be a nice day.

Turns out, we've spent these last 26 days just looking forward. Max has been adjusting to life at home and we've been adjusting to having him here. There have been moments of exhaustion, moments of worry, but mostly, moments of joy. We are finally a family, all of us together, under one roof.

His brother and sister hold his hands and sing and talk to him. They make him smile and watch in wonder at all they do. The dogs will brush past his swing with a little sniff and he grins. Troy and I fight over who gets to hold him and feed him and snuggle with him. He is a part of us, part of our family, and it took us 123 excruciating days to get him out of that NICU and with us, where he belongs.

We are eternally grateful for all the doctors, nurses, RT's and NNP's did to save Max's life and make him well and strong. We miss some of them so much and we can't wait to catch up and have them see how far he's come already... but there is just something that we're not ready to go back to.

I made that trip to the NICU, every day (except Father's Day) for 123 days after Max was born. I parked, trudged inside, past the reception desk, past the cashier, past human resources, up the elevator to the 4th floor, signing Max's guest book and filling out paperwork at the NICU reception, through the hand scrubbing and washing and rinsing, and finally back to Max's room. It was a routine, going through the motions, I think I could do it in my sleep. I think I DID do it in my sleep most days, we were in shock and just going through the motions was the only way to keep going. EYES ON THE PRIZE!!!

Now we're here, we're got him! He's doing well! He's eating and sleeping and pooping and growing, and I can't bring myself to look back. Not yet. I am grateful for those 123 days. Each day has been a gift and I'm glad we made it to this point. But people ask questions about those days, and there is MUCH that I just can't remember. I don't want to, I just want to look forward.

We'll go to the NICU clinic this week, for his follow up appointment. It's his first, depending on how his bone labs and his direct billirubin look, it might be his last. We'll be seeing Dr. L. (the same doctor who met with Troy and I, that first night in the hospital, after my water broke, but before Max was born. He's also the doctor who was there for Max's birth, who admitted Max to the NICU, and started us on this incredible journey. It just seems appropriate, that we started there with his help and counsel, and now, one month after Max came home, we'll see him again. It's just another step in Max's life, but as long as we're moving forward, and not back, it's a step in the right direction...