Max @ 9 months...

We saw the pediatrician today and he had another RSV shot and his Hep B shot. He weighs 19 lbs 6.6 ozs (25th percentile) He is 27 inches long (7th percentile) and his head circumference is 48.3 cm (97th percentile BIG HAMBLIN HEAD!!)

All good things! So good in fact, that we can quit boosting his formula to 22 calories and just mix it per the instructions on the canister. We can move him to level 2 baby foods and start pureeing more of what we eat. We can add yogurt and veggie puffs, and cottage cheese and eggs and really increase the variety in his diet!!! Max will LOVE all of this, because he's been watching us eat and salivating at every bite. He's ready for more! Still no cereals, because of the iron fortification. That leads to constipation and Max can't handle that.

We will increase his physical therapy to once a week starting next week. The goal is to get him sitting independently, and get him up on all fours. He does not like to be on his belly, probably because of the scar tissue, bowels, etc... but he has VERY strong arms and legs, his core or trunk strength is just weak, so getting him up on all fours will help to get him moving.

He sees the developmental pediatrician next week and the pediatric ophthalmologist at the end of the month.

I was so excited by all of this today, and then I read of another preemie mom who lost her little girl, Lauren today, at 17 months. I was suddenly reduced to tears. When does the fear go away? When is he safe? When can we stop worrying that we're still going to lose him?

The pediatrician gave me a copy of his discharge paperwork from the hospital today to take to his other appointments. It outlines everything that I remember and some that I'd forgotten. The neonatologist talks about him being resuscitated at 7 minutes of life, about discussing with us the likelihood of his death from severe prematurity, and the counseling recommended for us, about his sepsis (blood infection), my infection, and his many, many health problems during that 123 day NICU stay.

I'm just reminded of how crazy it has all been. How fragile he was. How amazing it is that he's even alive today, and how much I love him. I can't put him down today. I want to hold him and kiss him and snuggle him and know that he'll be with me for the rest of my life... but sometimes, you just don't know... and it's days like this where faith is what keeps us going.