Sad for the siblings...

I realize some days... just how much Alex and Ella suffered and lost while Max was sick.

Alex and I always read and snuggle at bedtime. We were reading a kids book about Noah's Ark last night and he started asking lots of questions. I answered them and told him he'd learn more about Noah and lots of other Bible stories when he starts school. And he reminded me that he'll also play soccer, and make friends, etc... after he's potty trained. It's been a domino effect for poor Alex. He should have potty trained this past spring, but Max came early. We tried to make it happen before Max came home, but Alex had already been thrown into a tailspin and it was just too much. We wanted him in preschool in the fall, but he didn't make it. He wasn't potty trained, he needed his tonsil surgery, and he flat out told us he wanted to stay home and not go. Alex has regressed this year, and it makes me sad.

He doesn't have any friends his age. None. I want to take him to the babysitter or playgroup, or somewhere... but the germs are rampant and we are still in full on germ warfare here, so again, because of Max's special needs, Alex has to concede. Alex is lonely with Ella in school, and it makes me sad to think that he's not getting the best out of life right now, and I'm powerless to help.

Ella is also still feeling the effects. She became more independent, self-sufficient while Max was in the hospital and she was passed around from friend to friend. Now we're working to keep her attitude in check, she's very dramatic, and she's having trouble in school.

She only makes the cut-off age for kindergarten by 11 days, so she's one of the youngest in her class. She's having trouble with her speech, her writing, her concentration, and she's very frustrated. Last week, she came home in tears because she couldn't make the letter "Q" perfectly and she was ashamed to show Troy her report card. Honestly, it wasn't that bad, but she knows something is wrong and that hurts me to think she's not doing okay. I'd hold her back and give her another year to work on things... , but I think the trauma of starting again next year, in a different class from the friends she has already made would be even worse.

Some days, I feel like I spent so much time at the hospital, trying to keep Max alive, and now, so much time caring for him, that I've let these other two babies down. I'm sad that they are still feeling the effects of Max's early arrival... we all are... but they are little and it's wrong that it hurts them. I wish I could make it all better. Because I'm their mommy and that's what I'm supposed to do.

I'm thankful for everyone who has supported the kids, and continues to do so. To Mrs. Spreckles, Mrs. Pence and Miss Michelle who would welcome Ella back to transitional kindergarten, thank you for loving her so much. To Miss Jessica, who raved about Ella's dancing on Sunday, thank you for building her self- esteem so much! We told her how proud we were of her report card... but doing something well, when school is so tough and feeling that sense of accomplishment is priceless for her. To Laura and Miss Sarah, who have taken Alex under their wings and love him even with his poopy diapers. Thank you for not making him feel like he's failing at this.

We're gonna make it through all this eventually... this is just one week where we're still feeling the effects on several fronts.