She speaks the truth

Ella is bitter and she's 4, so she's not afraid to say it. Actually her words this morning were "I hate God mommy!" The amazing thing about kids, is they just tell it like it is. No filter whatsoever. She's tired of being shuttled around from friend to friend, tired of spending less time with Mommy and Daddy, tired of waiting for her baby brother to come home. She needs someone to blame for all the chaos that used to be her life.

Well, I can understand. Actually, she's saying what we've probably thought many times and just haven't said out loud. It's impossible to live through something like this and not questions why it happened, why us, why now, how could God do this to us. Troy said to God early on "OKAY! I get it already, I give up all control, now help us get out of this mess!"

I reminded Ella today that God did answer our prayers for a baby. Some people never get the chance to kiss and love and see their baby, we do. Some people will never have a brother, she has two. This whole ordeal has made us stronger as a family. It's made us appreciate every minute with one another. It's made us value the important things like health.

God didn't give us the baby we expected. But he did give us a baby to love and to add to our family. He's given us the strength to get through these 66 days and counting. He has kept Max alive through all the health crises he's faced so far. And someday soon, we just know he'll bring Max home to us. We'll get that baby brother she's been so anxious to hold and sing to and love.

Maybe, God is giving us a lesson in faith and control and patience. We're learning every step of the way.